trick or ReTreat!!

I was extremely looking forward to this! (The retreat, not the blog.) I was excited to get to know the BLFers better since there aren't that many opportunities for some of us to cross paths outside of BLF what with the diverse group of majors and everyone being involved in so many different things. I was glad to have had the chance to get to know my junior class and all the seniors because I remember during orientation, reading everyone's bios, I was blown away. I was like 0_0 how did I get here?? I am just so inspired by my fellow...err fellows, and the retreat just brought us closer together.

I loved all the group activities we did that were wonderfully facilitated by Mike. Everything was done in a fun, informal, open and comfortable environment and the deeper meanings of the activities were effectively conveyed. I think my favorite was the blind-fold activity where all the juniors were blindfolded and the seniors were to guide us without talking. This was the first activity were I felt we were a united group (a vision similar to the power rangers uniting...or something like that) because most of the time we are broken into small groups, but it was all of us this time and it was a very good feeling to have. Just got the chills just thinking about it, but that could have been from someone  opening the door just now.

Having everyone working in different groups, this gives us a better understanding on how each of us works and more importantly, how we all work together.

Overall I had a fabulous time at the retreat in Hawking Hills (Shout out to the Gerbers for your hospitality and wonderful home!) I had a lot of laughs.. and a lot of exercise walking up those hills.

'If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel'

Admittedly, I might not have the best stress management skills; they're probably mediocre at best. Okay fine they're in the sub-par category. To elaborate, when I have work to get done (so basically all the time), I get busy and forget to eat, and by the time 10 pm rolls around, I'm like "Shoot! I haven't eaten all day!" And if I have time, I then proceed to stuff my face with food or saltine crackers because I don't know how to cook. Unhealthy eating habits? Check.

I also become an insomniac. I get too tense with worry over how much I have to get done that I can't sleep because I'm either thinking I should spend this time doing work or I am simply too tense to relax into REM. So please excuse the bags under my eyes. My cousin once said I resemble a panda. Lovely.

To make things worse for myself, I tack on more responsibilities and items on my To-Do List because the busier my schedule is means less time for me to realize how my life is on the brink of shambles and that I. Need. To. Slow. Down.

But I digress, and since I'm trying this thing called self-awareness, I know I should find better ways to deal with stress. This involves me

• Taking deep deep breathes yoga style (I suggest doing this somewhere relatively private and alone though to avoid getting weird looks and getting asked if I need an inhaler)
• Maintaining perspective. When it seems like the walls are caving in (where's that inhaler?), I look up at the sky, the stars to remind myself how insignificant my problems are in the long run and how blessed I am. There are always always always worse problems to have, and I remember I am stressed because I am working hard so I can be in a position one day where I can help those who have those worse problems.
• Playing piano and running, obviously not together simultaneously. I grouped these together because this is relatively new. It's ironic that nowadays these are my stress-relievers because in high school they were two of the main sources of my stress. Without the pressure of performance, playing piano for the pure sake of music and running for the pure sake of endorphins helps me release the tension. I'm sure my mom and my waistline will appreciate this if I keep this up in the long term.
• Watch hilarious youtube videos. Laughing and being stressed should never belong in the same sentence. Wait...

In addition to packing myself snacks to remind myself to eat, and eventually becoming so tired I pass out into a minor self-induced coma, I am trying to incorporate the aforementioned activities so I don't stress as much and enjoy life because that's what truly matters. 

The (Very Brief) History of Success in the Yun Life

To get the full extent of what success means to me at this point in my life at 20 years old, I will demonstrate what success has meant to me throughout my life:

At age 10... 

"Yes! I was the first one done to turn in my quiz! Take that, boys!!"

At age 15...

Making Honor Roll, Varsity team, Orchestra Auditions; Winning Student Elections

At age 17...

Doing well on the SATs, getting into college, determining what I want to study, getting away from my family

At age 18...

Live college with the mentality of "Work hard, Play Hard", make friends and be social, and saying 'yes' to every opportunity that comes my way, embracing the life away from my family

At age 19...

Getting involved on campus with selective development programs and different organizations and becoming a leader within those organizations, grow professionally and get an internship, maintaining family relationship with siblings and parents, get out of comfort zone

At age 20...

Knowing what I want to do with my life and following my passions no matter what; surrounding myself with good influences and people that make my life better; knowing how to live on my own and cook actual food that does not require microwaves or does not involve the word 'instant' or 'frozen' or 'pizza'; being more involved with my family members' lives (all 6 of them)

Doing a self-analysis, what I found most interesting was how until a couple months ago, after my first internship (See my first blog entry to see how that went...or not), my definition of success was based on grades, performance in sports and music, certificates of accomplishment, medals and all those tangibles of being the best. It was also about 'landing that job'. My ambitions to succeed were about getting in and being in the professional world, to make that money, if you will.

Slowly but surely, my goals and my idea of success isn't so much oriented around that professionalism. Of course, I still want to make that money (I know, I know, money doesn't buy happiness....but it helps. It helps a lot.) and I strive to do whatever it takes to excel in my career. However, after my internship, I realize there is so much more to life than that. It's also about improving myself personally, being the best person I can be, not just the best student, best intern/worker/employee/procastinator/runner/pianist/infinitenouns.

My internship made me realize that working at a company for potentially the rest of my life is a very long time, so I better make sure I'm doing what I love and what I'm doing makes me better for it.

And I may have mentioned my family once or twice.. It took me to leave the nest and away from my family (Finally!) to realize how important my family is to me and it's a darn shame it took me like only 18 years to figure that one out. Growing up and still to this day (cause I guess I'm still growing), my family has been so incredibly instrumental in my concept of what success is- which often and is conflicting with my ideas of success. My parents pressuring and nagging (that would be my mom, cause dads don't nag...they stare and sigh, which is way worse but less annoying) me to be the best in school and basically everything which as you can imagine often coincided with my plans to hang out with friends and live my youth because someone once said 'you only live once'. But I'm not complaining (at least not now), because that pressure and nagging is what got me here and typing these words for you to read.

Coming to college, being away from that nagging and sighing and staring, I wanted to distinguish the difference between what I thought my parents wanted for me and what I wanted for me to succeed. Often they're the same, different, colliding and intertwined, but I just wanted to know for myself. Of course, that lead to a series of 'discussions' (Mom: nagging; Dad: staring; Me: looking at the ceiling) with my parents questioning my motivation and priorities and What-I-Want-To-Do-With-My-Life.

And the answer to that? I want to succeed for myself, for my parents, my grandparents, all those kids in Africa, but I want to do it on my own terms with my own goals and visions, not my parents or anyone else's for that matter. And I think they are okay with that (at least for now) since they know they raised me well. Hence to go full circle, I need to know who I am and who I want to be. And something tells me that that is a perpetual, never-ending evolution. And I'm okay with that.

Amateur Vlogger: Is that really what my voice sounds like?

What it means to me to be a leader in day-to-day life via my first video blog ever! Hope it's not as weird for you to watch me as it was for me to record myself and listen to myself speak...

And I felt a bug on my face...not picking my nose.